Letter about validation:
Norbert,
I told someone that I had never been in love. A passing comment, thought nothing of it, because it was fact and couldn’t be changed. But it comes to mind now, writing in response to your letter because of how I’ve passed the whole of my life without the one thing I’ve longed for, a love between two. I am confident about not having been so because I feel growth and strength. It is the beginning of something that has the possibility of being. A calmness (his words) that I have never felt before (mine, secretly).
Surprisingly, so much of our (his and my) time is about learning, is that what love is? How to be good, respectful and caring of someone. Things that have never come easy, but easily with this one.
Learning someone through conversation, their life, their history, sewing together patches to work out their path. We talk about everything. On friday nights, date night, after I have danced. More often then not in his kitchen. I sit in my usual seat, with my now usual mug. Asking each other questions, not so formal. And I’m learning to see myself through his eyes. I see him making his own quilt with my stories. I find myself trying desperately proving that all the difficulties I have faced, like any girl, have not defined me; it is not my making. That i haven't been victimized or suffer from jealously cruelly. That i am strong and free and healthy. Characteristics that i truly want to be. That I truly want him to see. Wanting to bring the best out of us.
Learning someone’s body, remembering points, contours, scares that make it impossible not to react to. How to move with his, dancing at angles and speeds. Understanding his breathing and fragility. I watch and feel him learning mine too. Eyes open, mouths open, wanting, feeding. Satisfying urges and appetites. Nourishing secret beasts.
And the last part, the newest part, the part that proves he’s not just any boy and he’s not just any fuck. The part that's not so secret, but never asking, the part of us that wants true validation. For me this is the moment of departure. A free fall, a sign of love. We are asking for acknowledgment, respect, to be seen, to be heard from the other. Regardless of imperfections, unconditionally. We are asking, pleading not to be dismissed. Please don’t let me go.
I told someone that I had never been in love. A passing comment, thought nothing of it, because it was fact and couldn’t be changed. But it comes to mind now, writing in response to your letter because of how I’ve passed the whole of my life without the one thing I’ve longed for, a love between two. I am confident about not having been so because I feel growth and strength. It is the beginning of something that has the possibility of being. A calmness (his words) that I have never felt before (mine, secretly).
Surprisingly, so much of our (his and my) time is about learning, is that what love is? How to be good, respectful and caring of someone. Things that have never come easy, but easily with this one.
Learning someone through conversation, their life, their history, sewing together patches to work out their path. We talk about everything. On friday nights, date night, after I have danced. More often then not in his kitchen. I sit in my usual seat, with my now usual mug. Asking each other questions, not so formal. And I’m learning to see myself through his eyes. I see him making his own quilt with my stories. I find myself trying desperately proving that all the difficulties I have faced, like any girl, have not defined me; it is not my making. That i haven't been victimized or suffer from jealously cruelly. That i am strong and free and healthy. Characteristics that i truly want to be. That I truly want him to see. Wanting to bring the best out of us.
Learning someone’s body, remembering points, contours, scares that make it impossible not to react to. How to move with his, dancing at angles and speeds. Understanding his breathing and fragility. I watch and feel him learning mine too. Eyes open, mouths open, wanting, feeding. Satisfying urges and appetites. Nourishing secret beasts.
And the last part, the newest part, the part that proves he’s not just any boy and he’s not just any fuck. The part that's not so secret, but never asking, the part of us that wants true validation. For me this is the moment of departure. A free fall, a sign of love. We are asking for acknowledgment, respect, to be seen, to be heard from the other. Regardless of imperfections, unconditionally. We are asking, pleading not to be dismissed. Please don’t let me go.
Labels: validation
posted by HT company at 5:25 PM
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